Nakakainis. (translation: annoying)
Nakakairita. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Nagpababa nanaman ako dahil sa isang lalaki.
(So irritating. I’m pissed at myself. I stooped down again for a a guy.)
Weakness ko talaga ‘to. Lalo na yung sobra mag-isip. Hindi talaga ako natutuwa.
(This really is my weakness. Especially overthinking. I am not amused at all.)
Na-realize ko lang na nagpaka-baba nanaman ako dahil sa isang lalaki. Sa isang napaka-babaw na crush.
(I just realized that I put myself down again because of one guy. For one very petty crush.)
I degraded myself again. Compromised my morals.
Sabing “Jill, let go.” Pero ayun, pilit nanamang ako ang kumilos.
(I’ve been saying, “Jill, let go.” But yeah, I keep wanting to be the one to do something.)
Sabi na nga bang impatient talaga ako. Hindi marunong maghintay. Gusto may mangyari at may masunod agad.
(I knew it, i’m just really impatient. I don’t know how to wait. I want something to happen and something to go my way immediately.)
Para akong uod. Gusto ko maging magandang paruparo pero sinisira ko naman yung sarili kong cocoon.
(I’m like a caterpillar. I want to be a beautiful butterfly but I’m destroying my own cocoon.)
Pretty sure I’m never gonna be ready for a real, honest-to-goodness relationship unless I truly learn to let it all go and just give up wanting to take matters into my hands. Coz clearly I want this for all the wrong reasons.
It’s not really closing myself by building walls around me. It’s more of me just stopping.
