Just me ranting
Must do this so my head is clear, clear enough to focus on transcribing 6 interviews for thesis. LEZDODIZ!
- Nanghihinayang talaga ako sa Citipointe Live Hope is Erupting concert. Hanggang ngayon. P50 na lang yung tickets on the day eh. Kaya lang wala akong kasama. And was super tired also. Hindi naman sa it felt wrong, it just didn’t feel right. You know? And it kinda seemed to me like they’d be back next year anyway. But still, I wish I went.
- Narealize ko na ayoko talaga ng love life, unless reciprocated. Feeling ko i’m too old for mind games eh, tska yung mga pakipot-torpe-complicated guys who can’t make up their minds. Nauubos lang yung energy ko and nawa-waste yung efforts eh. Dami ko pa pinagkakaabalahan, nadi-distract lang ako. Hindi naman sa selfish ako, pero kasi everytime I like someone, laging ganito yung nagiging situation. Nakakasawa na. Ayoko na talaga. So therefore, I’ll try getting rid of this feeling (PRAYERS PLEASE). And the next time I want to feel this way, it’s because a guy has specifically shown and taken genuine interest in me. Hindi naman sa fo realz marriage na yung gusto ko for next time, grabe naman sa bilis, pero gusto ko yung susunod mas gusto naman ako ng lalaki kesa ako yung may gusto sa kanya. Hehes.
- I feel like it’s my fault, though. That I’m to blame. If I had been focused, if my eyes and heart had only been set on God alone, I wouldn’t have been distracted by this one tall, cute, seemingly perfect (now I know he’s not hehe) guy. I know this is the enemy’s plan. He knows my weakness — tall cute nice boys — and he’s using it against me. He knows I fall easily, and I fall hard. Just please pray that I overcome this, through God’s grace of course. It hurts my chest literally and figuratively, this feeling right now. Of uncertainty. Of so many things unsaid and undone. Of broken hopes and crushed expectations. Of things in fast forward and of me not being able to catch up. AND I DON’T WANT IT HURTING ME ANYMORE. I’m tired of sulking and just sleeping to avoid texting him or constantly looking if he’s online on facebook. It’s getting old, don’t you think?
- I hug myself, and know that it is actually God embracing me. This should be enough consolation for me. I should want nothing more than Him. I’ll get there, to that point where I can honestly say I desire nothing more than Him. And I wanna get to that point now.
Okay, done ranting. Thanks for reading. LOL. Gotta get back to transcribing now.
After, I’m heading to a class where I am classmates with this guy so please just pray for my self-control, my sanity, and that I don’t do anything I regret or regret anything I didn’t do. In short, please pray that by the end of this day, I have no regrets.
